Happenings....

So.. today's Tuesday. Time flew by for me the last couple days, which is pretty amazing because last week just seemed to drag on forever and ever. I'll start with the weekend. I ended up staying home on friday, went grocery shopping on saturday to pick up a couple things and ended up going to a party. At times, I enjoyed myself and at other times, I didn't. Sunday, there was church and at the last minute, I decided to go to someone's house for a supposed pool party. It got cancelled and we weren't notified on time. It's a long story. So, I ended up at my apartment with my sister, her two kids and my own two kids. We chatted a little, watched Tom & Jerry episodes and I took a nap....

Then on Sunday after my nap to today, I've been occupied with different things. I've been sleeping in, watching movies, took the kids swimming and ate at McDonald's. What movies did I watch? Hmm, I watched quite a bit. I'm a movie junkie - so of course, I'm having more movies shipped in from Netflix this week and will be watching 3 or 4 more within the next few days.

Here's my quick review of everything I've watched.

Becoming JaneIt's a good movie. True story - tells of Jane Austen's life. For you non-readers, Jane Austen is a writer from back in the 1800's when they looked down upon women's writings. She broke through the obstacles and became one of the most famous English writers ever. She only wrote 6 books and 3 of them have been turned into movies. I'm sure you all have heard of them... "Pride and Prejudice," "Sense and Sensibility," and "Mansfield Park." I'm a little embarrassed. I had thought she wrote "Jane Eyre" and "Wuthering Heights" but that was actually the Bronte sisters - Charlotte and Emily, respectably. Anyway, I'm getting off the point. The movie was good but I felt it was a little slow, maybe because I was sleepy. I ended up falling asleep and missed the ending. But I know how it ends now.

Autopsy Files
I can sum it all up in two words: Very Interesting. It's an HBO series focusing on forensic science and anthropology. Using dead bodies to solve crimes - that sort of thing. Yeah, I'm morbid but things like that fascinate me. I tried finding other DVDs but none have subtitles or closed captioning so I'm utterly disappointed. But - I'm gonna keep looking anyway. This DVD had two episodes that talked about memorable crimes that they came across and what happened to the people that died. I guess I'd have to say that this isn't for the faint hearts. They showed pretty gruesome pictures of the bodies and stuff. Actually, I didn't find them gruesome and disturbing at all, but I'm sure a lot others would. I found them all very fascinating. One thing did disturb me though. It wasn't the photos - it was the story itself. One woman had 9 biological and 1 adopted babies and killed them all. The medical examiners were stupid, stupid, stupid! They basically labeled all the deaths as a "natural death." Until the adopted baby died, they started to figure out that they all didn't die of natural causes (which meant SIDS, a genetic disorder, so forth). But this lady kept having more babies (I forget how many more) before they finally decided that she was responsible for all the deaths. Sad story. I remember sitting there when they first mentioned the case. Three kids - then one by one, they all died within a few months of each other. I thought "oh, poor mommy." Then a 4th kid was born and he died. Uh oh. By the time, they mentioned the 5th, I just knew the 5th would die and that the mother was responsible. More and more kids were mentioned and I just felt disgusted.

Mad Max 2 (Road Warrior)Hmm, what can I say? This is a movie for boys, 100%. Sure, all the stunts are nice, very entertaining and pretty violent. I suppose it's an original - I don't think I've seen another movie that had the creativity that Mad Max 2 had. The plot, the characters, the costumes (which was SO 80's), the sequencing of the scenes and stunts, etc. It would be safe to bet that these actors/actresses had a blast making this movie. There was a cute little boy in it that was called the "Feral Kid," I guess. I can see why - but he was cute anyway.

National Treasure 2Good movie. First one was better, I think. There's nothing wrong with this movie - it's just that I wasn't so captivated by it as I was with the first movie. The plot is generally the same. Clues come up and Nicholas Cage's character is supposedly brilliant and knows EVERYTHING, solves all clues with such ease, it seems like he solved the whole puzzle in literally 2 hours. The characters don't sleep either. I wasn't paying attention to the time span but it just seemed like everything happened in one day. If not one day then in 2 or 3 days. Not possible! SPOILER ALERT ::: Of course, he finds the treasure. If you saw the first movie, you HAD to know he would find the treasure at the end of the movie. I hate to say this but there wasn't really an element of surprise at all in this movie. It was all just... too routine.

Desperation
This isn't even worth a mention, but I guess I'm mentioning it anyway. There was a time where I actually enjoyed Stephen King movies (Storm of the Century, The Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption, and Rose Red) but nowadays, the movies are just too much alike, not scary enough and too predictable.

Anyway, movie talk aside...I was checking out one of the writing blogs and today's prompt was to write a story that revolves around this line... "You put on a jacket and discover something strange in your pocket." Immediately, I thought of a hotel room key. Not just any room key. A very specific room key. An old fashioned room key that's a real key with a plastic red oval-shaped key chain attached to it. Don't ask me why I thought of that but I thought it was hilarious. If you've watched an HBO mini-series called "The Lost Room," you'd get what I mean. If you haven't seen it, rent it. It's interesting.

Finally, here's one thing that stands out about the last couple days. Yesterday, actually. I got stung by a bee for the very first time in my life. All I hear from people are how horrible it is to get stung. Of course, it isn't fun. It stung for a couple seconds, not too bad, pulled out most of the stinger and then went on about my business. There's redness, swelling and a little soreness but come on people, getting stung by a bee isn't all that bad! People are just overreacting.

Well, it seems that tonight's blog is almost turning into a book so I better stop here. I'll be back to write about more things, hopefully a lot more interesting. We'll see how the next couple days go.

Happy Friday

So... today's another Friday. I generally like Fridays. It means I get to see my friends - but not always. Nonetheless, I like Fridays still. I get to forget about the week and look forward to the weekend and figure out what's going to happen the following week. This week was starting out to be an ok week... then recently, it turned into a not-so-ok week. Details not included, sorry. But I'm hoping to turn all this around by having a good weekend. I still don't know what I'm doing... I don't even know if I'm doing anything at all, which would suck. So... we'll see.

On a happier note, I stumbled across another blog the other day. Well, it's a blog with a bunch of blogs on it, if that makes sense. I decided to check out one of the links - it was a writer's blog (blog for writers with tips, ideas, etc) and found something neat that I want to try and do every week.

This blog puts up writing ideas everyday. I've backtracked through it and thought "that's something I could do" but never feel motivated to write about them. Why? Probably because it isn't coming from the heart. It would be like high school English where the teacher tells you "you have to write about this" and we just BS our way through to get an A. How easy it was to get an A back then. It still is. In a way, I'm glad I was able to BS my way through a paper and get an A, but at the same time I'm disappointed. English teachers are supposed to motivate us to read books and write. And through writing, we're supposed to genuinely express ourselves and improve our writing skills. Instead, they just take whatever you throw at them. Why? I guess I'll never know. I'd like to have a chance and sit down with an English teacher and bluntly ask her why they (English teachers in general) go so easy on our papers. Do English teachers really see through our BS and simply ignore it, or are they just that stupid? But that's for another day....

So... this Friday blog thing. It's called Friday Feast. Supposedly, it's a blog created by a chef who's also a writer. So this "feast" is a series of questions to be answered each week. Why is it called "Friday Feast"? Look ahead - you'll figure it out. I figure that even though it's just answering random questions each week, I'm going to give my most honest and uncensored responses. I guess it's like therapy - free therapy. And you get to know more about me. Here's my first attempt:

AppetizerWhat is the nearest big city to your home?That really depends on what you describe as a big city. Is Austin a big city? Probably not. It's got lots of people and it's definitely weird though. I'd have to say Dallas, which is about 4 hours away. I guess Houston is surrounded by a bunch of small cities/towns. Victoria, Austin, Waco, Beaumont....besides, Houston wouldn't want another big city near us. We want all the attention.

Soup On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how well do you keep secrets?Funny I came across this question. I've been dealing with secrets a lot lately now. I genuinely think of myself as a trustworthy person. I'm capable of keeping my friends' secrets. And boy, do I have many to keep. But when it comes to my own secrets, there's usually a person in my life that I'll just blab about anything. Of course, I don't just blab - I make sure I can trust this person first. That's smart. I think everyone should have at least one person they can tell everything to - get everything off their chests so they don't accidentally tell the wrong person, if you know what I mean. So - with my friends' secrets, I'd give myself a 9 3/4. Once in a rare while (yes, I admit it), I'd accidentally blab something to someone else - but trust me - they aren't huge secrets. It's something like "B's not gay." Oops! Sorry B! My reasoning is - if I want people to keep my secrets, I should at least have the decency to keep theirs. It's not my business to go around telling people stuff anyways.

Salad
Describe your hair (color, texture, length).
My hair? Uh, ok. My hair - it's pretty! I'm naturally light brownish but recently gave it a blonde boost. Yeah, I got a thing for blondes, along with redheads, shh! If I thought I could pass off a reddish color, I'd give it a shot. It's long (almost to my waist), straight and a pain to take care of. But I love it. I usually have more good hair days than bad hair days. That's good, right? Or maybe I just really don't know the difference. Because it's long, it can get tangled and messy easily. That's a pain. My only wish is that I had more volume. And sometimes I wish my hair was a little curly. I'd try to curl my hair with a curling iron - and it looks so cute. I love it. But with the weight of my hair and the stupid humidity in Houston, my hair falls flat within an hour. That really sucks.

Main CourseWhat kind of driver are you? Courteous? Aggressive? Slow?I'm a speed demon - I love speed. From the time I was 15 up until about 19, I'd speed all over. And I never got caught.... until one month, I got two tickets in a week. Yeah, in a week. Scary. If you add another ticket before that, make it 3 tickets in a month. I learned my lesson. I stopped speeding as much. Well, not really, shh. I was just more cautious and aware of my surroundings. After I had my daughter, I started driving a lot more sensibly. And especially with gas prices now, I've been trying (and failing) to keep my foot off the gas so much to conserve gas. I'm proud to say that I have never been pulled over by a cop in the last 7 years. Yes! 7 years! Count 'em. And yes, I still speed :) BUT I like to think I'm safe at the same time. If that's even possible.

DessertWhen was the last time you had a really bad week?Whew. I've had quite a few of those lately for various reasons. So basically, I've had a bad week a lot lately. With one chapter of my life over, I'm ready to move on and hopefully, I will have more good weeks than bad weeks now. We'll see. Summer's coming up and I have a few plans. I'm determined to stay positive, have fun and make this a really good summer. Of course, I'm expecting help from my friends to make this summer a good one by staying busy.

So, there you have it. My first attempt at answering 5 random questions with complete honesty. I hope to continue to do this - and I just really hope I don't come across questions I don't want to answer! If that happens, I'll just skip it. Yeah, I'm sure you'd skip them too.

Well, you guys have a good weekend doing whatever you have planned. Hopefully, I'll come back on Monday with news that I had a good weekend.

A Terrible Tragedy

I received some sad news today. A dear friend emailed me to pass on the news. I was utterly shocked but when you think about it, it's not totally surprising. I can just hope that we can all remember him for who he really was and preserve his memory lovingly. He was a gentle soul and made us all laugh. We should all take life lessons from him.....

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes.

The Big Bang Theory

Geeky title, right? If it makes you think about evolution and all the science stuff, then mission accomplished. That's exactly what they want you to think, sort of. Who's "they" you ask? Well, "they" are the writers and producers of a hilarious sitcom. Currently in its first season, The Big Bang Theory is experiencing huge success with geeks and non-geeks alike. It's about 2 geeky roommates (Leonard and Sheldon) whose combined IQs are 360. Stereotypically, they're also scientists. They think they have the answers to everything - that is - until a beautiful girl moves into the apartment next door. As Leonard falls for this girl, he is forced to travel down a path unknown to geeks to discover a new world beyond science. Sheldon is the geekiest geek you could ever come across. He is responsible for the crazy adventures and mishaps that we see each week. To join Leonard and Sheldon are two of their geeky friends, Wolowitz and Koothrappali. Everything about this show is stereotypically correct - even their names.

Character Synopsis:
LeonardLeonard is a guy striving to break out of his geeky shell. He excels in history and literature and spends his time working on physic theories on a whiteboard. Even though he adores geeky activities and has Star Wars hygiene products, he tries hard to get rid of his geek label. He falls in love with the girl next door, Penny, but is afraid to let her know how he feels. He feels at home with his geeky colleagues but wants more socially. You can't help but feel sorry for the guy. You'll end up rooting for him in the end.

SheldonSheldon is the geekiest geek you could ever know and that you probably wouldn't want to know. He can be perceived as a conceited stuck-up snob who is content with everything science and wants nothing to do with anything else. Because his IQ is higher by 14 points, Sheldon disregards Leonard's intelligence and often puts Leonard down for the fact that Leonard is interested in a girl. As smart as he is, he doesn't undesrstand sarcasm and is more inclined to do anything scientifically ethical rather than anything morally and socially ethical.

Wolowitz
Wolowitz is a sex-crazed geek who is constantly trying to hit on Penny, which angers Leonard and annoys Penny. He tries to impress girls with his knowledge of six different languages (and he only knows a few phrases in each). He is incredibly socially challenged but possesses enough courage to be rejected repeatedly.

Koothrappali
Koothrappali is a native of India who suffers the most when it comes to women. Unlike the others, he doesn't blurt out embarrassing information - he does the complete opposite. He is unable to speak a word to any girl, unless he gets help from alcohol. Once, after having a few drinks, he proceeded to have a conversation with Penny. That was probably the only conversation he's ever had with a woman in years.

This show is unlike any other. At first, I was uncertain of whether I would like it or if it would even be successful. The idea of the show seemed a bit far-fetched. After watching just one episode, I became hooked. It's funny, intellectual and dimwitted. As entertaining as it is, I often feel like I just suffered a brain aneurysm whenever Sheldon talks. It is often like watching a train wreck and yet, you can't turn away because it is just so fascinating.

If you don't ever watch another sitcom for your rest of your life, at least watch this one. You won't regret it. Mondays on CBS at 7 central.

Memorable Quotes:
Sheldon: "It took you four years to get through high school?"
~~~~~~
(Talking about Penny)
Leonard: Our babies would be smart and beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.
~~~~~~
Sheldon: This car weighs, let's say, 4,000 pounds. Now add 140 for me, 120 for you...
Penny: 120?!?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?
~~~~~~
(Sheldon is trying to find a spot on the very edge of the couch clumsily trying to eat his breakfast while Penny is sleeping on the couch)
Leonard: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Every Saturday since we’ve lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter-cup of 2% milk, sat on this end of this couch, turned on BBC America, and watched Doctor Who.
Leonard: Penny’s still sleeping.
Sheldon: Every Saturday since we’ve lived in this apartment…
Leonard: You have a TV in your room, why don’t you just have breakfast in bed?
Sheldon: Because I am neither an invalid nor a woman celebrating Mother’s Day.

Atonement

The other day, I had the opportunity to watch Atonement. Someone had said it was just "ok." I decided to see it for myself and I am glad I did. It's a movie encompassed of crime, jealousy, passion, sexual tension and of course, love. It was also set in the early to mid-1900's, which seemed fitting. Typically, these types of movies have predictable plots due to the oppression of women and all the issues they had back then. Issues that we have come to know so well. Even so, the movie was enjoyable particularly due to its twists and turns. There's nothing special about the plot. It's nothing that we haven't seen before. It wasn't a huge blockbuster like Titanic or currently, Iron Man, but it deserves recognition in my book.

Summarily, it's about a young girl, named Briony, who witnesses sexual tension between her older sister (Cecilia) and the housekeeper's son (Robbie). After witnessing two sexual encounters between Cecilia and Robbie, Briony becomes convinced that Robbie is a crazed sex maniac that is out to hurt her sister. During all this, she's secretly in love with Robbie. After a series of events, she accuses Robbie of a crime he did not commit. As a result of Robbie's arrest and incarceration, Cecilia removes herself from her family because she believes in Robbie's innocence. Sounds simple enough - but it really isn't. There's more to the story ... a lot more.

At first, I wasn't really sure of what to think of Briony. She seemed pretty intense. She had an air about her that I couldn't figure out. Is she really an innocent little girl or is she a scary sociopath stuck inside a quiet girl just waiting to come out and go on a murderous rampage? For a while there, I had thought she just might go ahead and kill someone. Funny how Atonement is a drama - for a few scenes, I had felt like I was sitting on the edge of my seat watching a horror movie, anticipating that someone is going to be killed within the next few minutes.

As events took place, I began to soften towards Briony. Poor girl. She was thrust into a world of lust and sexual fantasies, stuck in the middle of a blossoming relationship between the man she had a crush on and her older sister. At that point, I wouldn't have blamed her if she did turn out to be crazy and killed somebody. In the movie, we see Briony grow and mature into a young woman who regrets the decisions she made as a young girl. Again, you can't help but feel for her, even though she's the one responsible for the false arrest and imprisonment of Robbie.

What I really liked about this movie is its ability to keep you guessing. It's like trying to piece together bits of information into a complete puzzle; and even if you succeed, the solution's wrong anyway. Because, in this movie, nothing's really what it seems. So if you're ever in the mood to play a guessing game of "is it or is it not?" then this is the movie for you.

At the risk of sounding like Ebert & Roeper (or formerly Siskel & Ebert), I give it two thumbs up.

Patriotism

Summer’s coming up and there are already plans being made for holidays such as Memorial Day and July 4th. People are asking me what I’m doing and if I want to do this or that – or help them come up with ideas. While I’m making plans, I am constantly reminded of why we are celebrating these holidays. We celebrate Memorial Day and July 4th because America is patriotic...supposedly.

What does it mean to be patriotic? What qualifies someone as a patriotic person? Is it standing up a couple times a year saying “I’m proud to be an American” or putting your right hand over your heart while they sing the National Anthem at ball games? Is it having pool parties with the American flag flying in the background while a bunch of people clink beer bottles together? Or is it knowing all the words to all the songs written about America? Is it putting your life on the line by joining the armed forces and dying in a foreign land? Can you be against the war and still be patriotic?

My pastor’s very patriotic. I guess he has a good reason for it. His son was killed in Afghanistan a few years back. As a result, we hear bits about being patriotic, supporting the war and praying for all these Americans that are over there putting their lives on the line and defending us. That's all I ever hear from supporters of the war. "Let's honor these soldiers who are defending their country." First of all, this isn't defending America, this is invading other countries like the pigheads we are thinking that we have the right to kill their leaders and reform their government into a democracy. Yeah - we have all the answers. Our government and country is perfect, huh? While the underlying reason is the prevent anything horrible from happening to us in the future, I think that our government was just a little too quick on the button this time, rushing in to prevent something that probably wasn’t even going to happen in the first place.

This morning, my pastor spoke about his trip to Florida last week to a memorial for all the soldiers that died in the last year. He spoke of meeting these families and he recalled that each and every one of these families (there were 15 families in all) said that they were so very proud of their fallen soldier. That sparked something in me. I understand that they could be feeling proud that their loved one gave up his life for our country. I do feel sorry for all these people who suffer the loss of their loved ones, I really do. But that’s where my sympathy stops.

I do think it’s very admirable that these soldiers were willing to go fight overseas. That's something I could never do. Maybe I'm too selfish. But my point is it shouldn't have been done in the first place. For these soldiers that went over, no one made them do it. This isn't WW2, they weren't drafted and forced to fight. Was it really necessary to invade Iraq in the first place? Spare me the history and the political discussions surrounding Saddam Hussein for now. I would be glad to sit down and discuss rationally with those of you that disagree with me, but for now, I'm tired of discussing it. If I remember correctly… way back when Bush was trying to defend his decision to invade Iraq, he was accusing Hussein of secretly building a nuclear weapon that was intended to be used on America. Did he find the nuclear weapon? No. Maybe. I don’t know. I’m so bored with the war now. I’ve heard many theories and many reasons of why Bush invaded Iraq, whether it is because of oil/gas resources, a possible nuclear attack, or stopping him from being another “Hitler.” Although we killed him and are working with the new officials of Iraq to rebuild their country, there’s no guarantee that they’ll ever have the peace they need. Even America doesn’t have peace!

Anyway, back to the point… I, myself, could never enlist in the armed forces. Even if I could, I wouldn’t. Maybe I’m not patriotic enough, but right now, I just don’t think America’s worth saving anymore. Look at us. We’re no better than any other human beings in other countries. I do think Americans can be so self-righteous and self-centered. No wonder the French hates us. I had a conversation once with a friend who has been to other parts of the world… some are nice and some are… not so nice. He told me that if I ever went out of America and saw what he saw, I would appreciate America more. Maybe so – but I certainly don’t appreciate the American people.

America has long since been labeled as one of the greatest countries in the world. There are plenty who still think that way. Equality, opportunity, freedom. I disagree. Sure, we have a lot of perks, but we also have the homeless, our economy is suffering right now, and don’t get me started on the crime rates. If there were ever a time in my life that I’ve seen people be so patriotic, it would be in the aftermath of 9/11. Understandably, with something as horrible and shocking as 9/11 was, I would imagine that somehow, just somehow, Americans might be able to just stop hating each other and that we would all unite together and live in harmony. Yeah right.

Here’s some information that I dredged up. In September 2001 alone, 13,752 people were murdered nationally. This doesn’t even involve the 9/11 casualties. This doesn’t involve other horrible crimes. Sad, isn’t it? September had the 4th highest murder rate out of the whole year. October was the 2nd highest. You would think that immediately following the tragedy of the WTC, Americans would be able to get along for once. Stand together and fight together against the country that did this to us. Statistics show that we had our own problems within our country. People are still murdering other people.

What have we come to? Yes, we still have our freedom but to me, freedom doesn't mean much when we can't get along with each other. I have freedom when it comes to religion, speech, etc, but I don't have the freedom to feel safe. My daughter and son doesn't have the freedom to run around in the grass behind my apartment on their own just as I ran around my neighborhood alone. Why? Because people are worse now. More and more people don't even think twice before they kidnap, rape and murder children.

There was once a time I loved celebrating patriotic holidays. Celebrating America gave me a sense of peace and happiness for a day. I was genuinely grateful that I am an American citizen. Whenever a particular song came on the radio, my friends and I would sing along with it. It was one of my favorites - I guess it still is. Now, instead of feeling proud, I feel ashamed, embarassed and disappointed. Back then, the lyrics had meaning. But now… not so much.

Proud to be an AmericanIf tomorrow all the things were gone I’d worked for all my life,
And I had to start again with just my children and my wife.
I’d thank my lucky stars to be living here today,
‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away.

And I’m proud to be an American where as least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.

From the lakes of Minnesota, to the hills of Tennessee,
across the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea,
From Detroit down to Houston and New York to LA,
Well, there’s pride in every American heart, and it’s time to stand and say:

I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free.
And I won’t forget the men who died, who gave that right to me.
And I’d gladly stand up next to you and defend her still today.
‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land God bless the U.S.A.
So when people ask me why I’m not so patriotic or why I’m not too crazy about the war, my reasons should be quite obvious. It's not that I hate America and Americans in general. I would be just as proud to stand up next to you and fight alongside you if we had a commendable country to fight for. It’s because I don’t feel like rooting for the Americans who see fit to hurt and kill fellow Americans. That's not something worth fighting for.

The Confrontation

Maury: Thank you for joining us today. If you are just tuning in, we are about to get to our last guests for today’s show. Let’s welcome Princess Peach (applause). Thank you for joining us today Princess Peach. What brings you here?

Princess: Well, it all started when I married Mario. He was once my hero but now he’s nothing but a plumber. I don’t think he even works anymore. He’s always going out but I never know what he’s doing or where he's going. Then one day, I fell in love...

Maury: Interesting. With who?

Princess: (swooning) Donkey Kong.

Maury: Didn’t he kidnap you?

Princess: Yep. (Princess flashes a big toothy grin) (crowd gasps)

Maury: I see. Are you still with him?

Princess: Nope. I got bored with him so I moved on. I’m with Boswer now. He’s a total hottie! He’s twice the man Donkey Kong was and 10 times the man Mario will ever be! (audience: ooooohhh!)

Maury: Alright, well let’s bring out Mario, Princess’ husband (applause). Welcome to the show, Mario. Please have a seat.

Mario: Thank you.

Maury: We brought you on the show because Princess has something to tell you. Princess? (nods towards Princess)

Princess: (turns towards Mario) Mario, I have something I need to tell you…Do you remember when I was kidnapped for the first time?

Mario: Yes, why? Did something happen? Did Donkey Kong hurt you? I’m gonna hurt him!

Princess: No. Actually, um, it’s the opposite. He really did kidnap me but towards the end, I wasn’t a hostage anymore. I was staying there on my own free will.

Mario: What are you saying?

Princess: I fell in love with him. I saw him for a couple years after that.

Mario: What?! You’re seeing that loser? Is he here? Bring him out, I want a piece of him!

Princess: Mario, calm down. Actually, I’m not seeing him anymore. I ended it a long time ago. He wasn’t just cutting it for me.

Mario: So that’s what you brought me on the show for? To tell me you had an affair but you’re not having it anymore? What’s the point of all this?

Princess: Actually…..

Mario: (sigh) Oh no.

Princess: I’m seeing someone else now. It’s someone you know.

Mario: No… not my brother Luigi!?

Princess: (giggle) No, not Luigi. It’s Bowser. I’ve been seeing him since before he “kidnapped” me.

Mario: (confused) What do you mean?

Princess: Well, I wasn’t really kidnapped. It was all just a ploy so I could spend a couple of days with him. (Mario is fuming with anger) (audience: oooohhh!)

Maury: Alright, I think it’s time to bring Bowser out. Please welcome Bowser (applause).

(As Bowser comes out, Mario stays in his seat slouched over, arms folded, head down and a very angry expression on his face. Even though he was furious, he knew that he was no match for Bowser. Bowser sits down. Princess is now seated in between Mario and Bowser. Princess flashes Bowser a flirty look.)

Bowser: (smiles) Hey babe.

Maury: Mario, is there anything you have to say to Bowser? After all, he did canoodle with your girl.

Mario: (fuming) How dare you! You think you’re all man? You think you’ve got what it takes to steal my woman --

Bowser: (Interrupting) I think I already did.

(Mario’s face is red and he’s seething. He eats something. He gets taller by a few inches but realizes that he’s still no match for Bowser. He eats something else. Raccoon ears and tail pops out.)

Mario: Here’s news for you – if you were all man, you would have been able to get any girl. But nnooooooo – you had to go for a bimbo. (audience: ooohhhhh!)

Princess: A bimbo!? How dare you insult me like that!

Mario: How do you think I got you in the first place? (audience laughs) How dare you!? After all I've done for you?

Princess: (cries) I couldn’t resist! He’s so big and strong… and handsome! (Becomes angry) And he’s so much better than you! He’s given me attention when I needed it. And in return…. (she smiles and winks)

Mario: Gaahhh!!!!! (covers his ears)

Bowser: (chuckling) That’s right. She wanted a real man. Not someone who has to stand on a stepping stool to reach you-know-what!

(Princess giggles)

Mario: I don’t have to take this! I’m going home! (He quickly runs then flies off the set)

Maury: Well, there you have it folks! Thanks for watching. Be sure to check back later. We'll be sure to feature Mario, Princess and Bowser in our special "Where Are They Now?" segment in a few months. Bye bye!

Continuing the Saga

If you're like me, you're probably wondering where Mario is now and how he's doing after his latest drama with Princess Peach. I tracked him down once again and followed up with him. I found out some very interesting information that I wanted to share with you. Why the curiosity in Mario and the gang, you ask? Well, it's become a running joke between me and a friend. We're both huge fans of Nintendo (ah, the good ol' days!) and Dr. Mario. I absolutely love Super Mario 3.

It all started when we played a really dumb game with a version of Mario in it (see one of my previous posts for a youtube video of the game). It was so hilarious, it sparked a wild imagination in my friend. From there, we came up with a story and went with it. Then it evolved into another story....and probably more stories in the future. As much fun as it is to write them, I can't take all the credit for these "Mario" stories. J came up with the ideas and I spun them into stories.

Anyway, what's been up with Mario? Well, wait until you hear this. Princess brought Mario on one of these insane TV shows that does love triangles, paternity testing and reveals shocking shocking love affairs. Yep, she aired her dirty laundry on national TV! I don't know about you but I'm looking forward to it.

For all you Yoshi and Toadstool fans - have no worries. They're both involved in all this...somehow... Tune in later!