The Confrontation

Maury: Thank you for joining us today. If you are just tuning in, we are about to get to our last guests for today’s show. Let’s welcome Princess Peach (applause). Thank you for joining us today Princess Peach. What brings you here?

Princess: Well, it all started when I married Mario. He was once my hero but now he’s nothing but a plumber. I don’t think he even works anymore. He’s always going out but I never know what he’s doing or where he's going. Then one day, I fell in love...

Maury: Interesting. With who?

Princess: (swooning) Donkey Kong.

Maury: Didn’t he kidnap you?

Princess: Yep. (Princess flashes a big toothy grin) (crowd gasps)

Maury: I see. Are you still with him?

Princess: Nope. I got bored with him so I moved on. I’m with Boswer now. He’s a total hottie! He’s twice the man Donkey Kong was and 10 times the man Mario will ever be! (audience: ooooohhh!)

Maury: Alright, well let’s bring out Mario, Princess’ husband (applause). Welcome to the show, Mario. Please have a seat.

Mario: Thank you.

Maury: We brought you on the show because Princess has something to tell you. Princess? (nods towards Princess)

Princess: (turns towards Mario) Mario, I have something I need to tell you…Do you remember when I was kidnapped for the first time?

Mario: Yes, why? Did something happen? Did Donkey Kong hurt you? I’m gonna hurt him!

Princess: No. Actually, um, it’s the opposite. He really did kidnap me but towards the end, I wasn’t a hostage anymore. I was staying there on my own free will.

Mario: What are you saying?

Princess: I fell in love with him. I saw him for a couple years after that.

Mario: What?! You’re seeing that loser? Is he here? Bring him out, I want a piece of him!

Princess: Mario, calm down. Actually, I’m not seeing him anymore. I ended it a long time ago. He wasn’t just cutting it for me.

Mario: So that’s what you brought me on the show for? To tell me you had an affair but you’re not having it anymore? What’s the point of all this?

Princess: Actually…..

Mario: (sigh) Oh no.

Princess: I’m seeing someone else now. It’s someone you know.

Mario: No… not my brother Luigi!?

Princess: (giggle) No, not Luigi. It’s Bowser. I’ve been seeing him since before he “kidnapped” me.

Mario: (confused) What do you mean?

Princess: Well, I wasn’t really kidnapped. It was all just a ploy so I could spend a couple of days with him. (Mario is fuming with anger) (audience: oooohhh!)

Maury: Alright, I think it’s time to bring Bowser out. Please welcome Bowser (applause).

(As Bowser comes out, Mario stays in his seat slouched over, arms folded, head down and a very angry expression on his face. Even though he was furious, he knew that he was no match for Bowser. Bowser sits down. Princess is now seated in between Mario and Bowser. Princess flashes Bowser a flirty look.)

Bowser: (smiles) Hey babe.

Maury: Mario, is there anything you have to say to Bowser? After all, he did canoodle with your girl.

Mario: (fuming) How dare you! You think you’re all man? You think you’ve got what it takes to steal my woman --

Bowser: (Interrupting) I think I already did.

(Mario’s face is red and he’s seething. He eats something. He gets taller by a few inches but realizes that he’s still no match for Bowser. He eats something else. Raccoon ears and tail pops out.)

Mario: Here’s news for you – if you were all man, you would have been able to get any girl. But nnooooooo – you had to go for a bimbo. (audience: ooohhhhh!)

Princess: A bimbo!? How dare you insult me like that!

Mario: How do you think I got you in the first place? (audience laughs) How dare you!? After all I've done for you?

Princess: (cries) I couldn’t resist! He’s so big and strong… and handsome! (Becomes angry) And he’s so much better than you! He’s given me attention when I needed it. And in return…. (she smiles and winks)

Mario: Gaahhh!!!!! (covers his ears)

Bowser: (chuckling) That’s right. She wanted a real man. Not someone who has to stand on a stepping stool to reach you-know-what!

(Princess giggles)

Mario: I don’t have to take this! I’m going home! (He quickly runs then flies off the set)

Maury: Well, there you have it folks! Thanks for watching. Be sure to check back later. We'll be sure to feature Mario, Princess and Bowser in our special "Where Are They Now?" segment in a few months. Bye bye!