Change of Heart

I've had a change of heart.  I blame the media.

Today, I plopped down on my couch - it was early, but I was already exhausted - to get my soap opera fix for the day, but my soap operas didn't come on.  Why was I exhausted?  One word:  kids.  My kids came home yesterday after staying with their father for 5 weeks.  I was looking forward to them coming home.  Was being the key word, lol.  I adore my kids and I MISSED them terribly but I didn't miss their antics!

I met Jeff halfway at about 12:30.  He had to pull over to clean up a HUGE mess that Becki made in his truck so they were late.  Better his truck than my car!  We ate at Subway and hung out for an hour.  On the way home, Becki and I chatted with her in the backseat and with me looking in the rearview mirror.  Logan was incredibly happy to be back with his mommy, so he kept giggling and pointing his cute stubby little finger (and thumb) at me.  If you know his "trademark" pointing, you'd know what I'm talking about.  We headed straight to my parents so that the whole family could visit with each other.  We had dinner there, hung out for a couple hours afterwards and got home late.  Ava was THRILLED to see her cousins and begged & begged to come home with us.  I had an interview this morning, but against my better judgment (and too soft of a heart), I let her come home with us.  We all stayed up and played until 1am.  At about 3am, all three kids came marching into my room and climbed into bed with me.  Thank goodness I have a king-sized bed.  Perfect for occasions like this.

We all woke up pretty tired and groggy.  Getting three kids ready to go is much harder than two.  What's worse - it was pouring outside!  I dropped the terrible trio at church so my mom could watch them while I went to my interview.  After the interview, I went back to church and picked up my kids.  Ava tearfully begged to come again so I let her.  Mom promised to pick Ava up at Noon when she was done teaching.  That's a whole 'nother story (Ava ended up staying all day... I am EXHAUSTED!)

ANYWAY, back to the point of this blog.  After my interview and hauling the three musketeers around, I sat down ready to watch my soap operas.  The line-up was different and sure enough, an hour later, they started airing Michael Jackson's funeral live.  Since I had the TV on and figured all major networks would be airing it, AND out of curiosity, I decided to watch it.

One word to sum it all up:  Wow.

I started out watching the funeral with such indifference.  He was somebody I didn't personally know and never really liked.  I liked the music but not so much the person.  One by one, lots of people came up on the stage to give a speech.  They shared memories and feelings.  Others came up and sang songs - some that Michael wrote/performed and some that were fitting for the funeral.  My daughter knew that MJ died.  Last night, she asked me to show her why people were so crazy about him, so I showed her some of his classic music videos - the ones that made him famous.  She was in awe.  She was a fan - but only because of one song.... "Will You Be There," the song to the Free Willy movie.  She was clueless to everything that's been going on with him.

Anyway, midway through the funeral, that song came on.  My son looked up at me - mouth open and eyes wide - and said "WILLY!"  My daughter was at the computer at the time - she came over to the TV and said "they're singing the Willy song."  Then, she asked me why.  I explained that it was a tribute to him.  She actually looked sad, watched until the song was over then walked away.

I sat in front of the TV for almost two hours watching people cry, laugh and share heartfelt and personal stories about who Michael was.  How giving he was.  How he was a child forced to grow up too soon.  They showed video montages of him when he was a little boy singing with his brothers, then later taking the stage on his own and catapulting into stardom.

At that moment, I realized... I didn't like him because of what I saw on TV, in newspapers/magazines and on the Internet.  Because of what the media showed.  There are MANY of us that never knew the real Michael - the Michael behind closed doors.  Maybe he was a molester - but maybe not.  That was never proven.

Although I always thought he was so weird, I started to see that he had a whole different life when there weren't cameras in his face.  These people that spoke proved that.  They portrayed him in a way that many of us never knew because these things were so personal.

Reverend Al Sharpton looked down at Michael's 3 kids (who sat front row next to Michael's mother, 5 brothers and 2 sisters) and said "There was nothing strange about your daddy, what's strange is what your daddy had to deal with."

At the very end, MJ's family took the stage.  Earlier, his brother Jermaine sang MJ's favorite song and broke down into tears.  He was still crying.  It was Marlon's (one of the original Jackson 5) turn to say something.  When Marlon was done, the family turned to leave but MJ's daughter said something to Janet, so they stopped and lowered the microphone for her.  MJ's daughter started out trying to say a few things but broke down into tears and said "I love him so much."  My heart broke for her and yes, I shed a tear.  No child should experience the loss of a parent at such a young age, regardless of who the child or the parent is/was.

Even though MJ wasn't my cup of tea, he was a person and there are lots of people that are grieving for him - his family, children, and close friends.  Out of respect, I unpublished the joke I recently put up and my last post about him.