Deciding What's Important

I actually started this post two days ago... having the kids around after being gone for 5 weeks is hectic. I spend all day trying to entertain them. When I'm not entertaining them, they are kind enough to inform me by sticking by my side everywhere I go. They have even formed a habit of following me into the bathroom. How annoying is that!? By the time they are in bed, I am at the point of where I just want to sit on the couch and do nothing. I spend most of my evenings watching TV and movies now - because there's no way I can do that during the day. Thank God for DVR.

The kids are gone for the evening. I have an early morning and didn't want to make it any earlier than it is so I decided to drop them off at the baby sitter's tonight. Even though my hands are aching (I messed them up a few years ago by typing TONS of papers for my BA degree, and when I spend a tad bit too much on the computer nowadays, my hands let me know), I'm going to use this downtime to finally write.

I've been thinking about the last 7 years of my life lately... pretty much since my daughter was born. I became a mother fresh out of high school, but that never stopped me from going to school. I was determined to prove everyone wrong when they said I wouldn't make it. I vowed to never become a statistic. The last 7 years of my life was pretty much being a student and a full-time mom/wife. I have worked a total of 6 jobs in my entire life. Only one of them was full-time and that only lasted for 2 months before I was laid off. All other jobs were either short-term or only required me to do data entry a few hours a month. That's hardly a job.

Now that schooling is over, there is no job at the moment and I've downgraded from full-time mom/wife to just a full-time mom (working overtime) - I've thought about what I should be considering. Job hunting has taken a toll on me. I submitted TONS of applications when I completed my BA degree and received my TX certificate. There's only about 1,000 paralegals in the state of Texas that hold a certificate - and I'm one of them. That oughta land me a job, right? Soon enough, I found out that having a BA and a certificate means nothing if you don't have experience. But - that's a whole 'nother story. I allowed myself to feel down for a while, picked myself back up and went back to school to get a teaching degree. Surely, I'll have an easier time finding a job then, right?

I've looked for various part-time jobs over the last few years, but never seriously pursued anything for lack of interest and motivation. I had a means to pay my bills so why drain myself? So... school's over so it's time to get a job.

When I look at the last 7 years of my life, I spent a lot of it just playing around. I was at home all the time, played lots of computer games and watched TV (in between running errands, taking care of kids, and cleaning house). I suppose I could continue this way of life - but frankly, I've had enough. It's time for me to work and to contribute to society.

I've sent in applications to at least 5 school districts around Houston. I've had two job interviews. I didn't get the first job and a decision hasn't been made yet at the 2nd district.... I've started to wonder now - maybe I should look elsewhere.

Moving to another city/state is scary. Many times, I have told myself and many others that I would never leave Houston. It's my home - always has been and always will be. If things didn't work out here, I'd just be moving in with some other people and living a different (that means poor) life. Anything just to stay in Houston.

However, I've recently started to think.... I need my sanity and I need to feel that I'm worth something. That means I need to work. Does that mean I will have to move? Only time will tell.....