What to do with a so-called sick child

Not having to work and staying at home everyday sounds like a dream…. until you have a 6 year old and a 2 year old. Some days I’m thankful I get to stay home and be lazy (as much as my son permits). There are days where I’d rather have a job and today was one of these days. There are also days that I feel loved – by my kids and my dog. My dog follows me everywhere. He sits directly next to me or behind me when I’m at my computer. When I back my chair up to get up from the desk, I am often stuck because he’s always in my way. There are some days that it doesn’t bother me. There are some days that it annoys me and today, it annoyed me to no end.

Today, I discovered a new job requirement to being a mother. Outsmarting a 6 year old. I have the craftiest 6 year old on the planet. But I’m craftier. It all began this morning at 7am.

My husband got up to get my daughter off to school. He wakes me up and says “she’s sick.” I said, “ok.” Nothing fishy so far, right? I go back to sleep assuming that since my husband has 6 years of parenting under his belt, he’d know what to do. He comes to me 5 minutes later and says “She threw up.” I said “ok” and went back to sleep. Then, my husband wakes me up again (annoying, right?) and stated “she’s faking.” Again, the most creative comment I could come up with at 7am is “ok.” As I was about to go back to sleep, my husband asked me whether we should let her stay home or make her go to school. Just as I was about to tell him, "make her go to school," I had an idea. I told him to let her stay home. He looked at me like I was crazy. But I had a plan. If my daughter wanted to play, I’d play right along. A little side note: How in the world did a 6 year old make herself throw up?!

After I went back to sleep (early morning does not suit me), my husband decided to keep our daughter in her room. He wasn’t about to let her have fun on her day off, especially after trying to lie about being sick. When I woke up, my daughter became the sweetest little girl in the world. But I wasn’t falling for it. I had a little chat with her about lying and how it hurts people. The typical “yadda yadda” conversation every parent has with a child eventually. I proceeded to tell her to clean her room. If she thought she was going to enjoy being at home, she thought wrong. I was going to make her work – and work hard.

If you have a 6 year old or if you know one, I don’t have to tell you that my daughter’s room was a mess, a true mess. She shares her room with her 2 year old brother so that makes it a double mess. And I was making her clean it all up. When she was done, I made her fold her own laundry and hang her own clothes. Have you ever tried to get a 6 year old to clean that much? It takes them forever and they make excuses – lots of excuses. "Mommy, my tummy hurts." "Mommy, I'm tired." "Mommy, it's too much." My response to each and every one of these? "Ok, go to bed." My daughter does NOT like going to bed, so obviously it worked. When my daughter thought she was done, she would ask for an inspection of her room. It took 3 tries before I decided that her room was clean enough. I even had her vacuum her room.

During all this, I wouldn’t let her have a bite to eat. After all, if she was sick and throwing up, she shouldn’t be eating, right? I think I can say that after today, my daughter will not be faking an illness for a long time to come. I’m sure she’d much rather be at school playing with friends than becoming my personal slave for the day. I'm already coming up with a "To-Do" list the next time she fakes being sick.

During all this, my son would follow my daughter around and screw up whatever she was working on. He’d run through a pile of clothes that my daughter had just folded or he’d start playing with some toys that she had just put away. That was especially fun for me. After a while, I whisked him away and put on his favorite movies.

My son was particularly active today. While my daughter was busy tidying up her clothes, my son was busy messing up his own clothes. He went into his drawer and decided to dress himself. He pulled two shirts on. He put shoes on too– and they didn’t match. And at dinner time, when he was eating corn dogs, he slathered every inch of the corn dogs with ranch and decided to put some in his hair as well. Fun.

And that’s the reason why today, I wished I had a job.